Far from the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity by Andrew Solomon
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Summary
From the National Book Award-winning author of the "brave...deeply humane...open-minded, critically informed, and poetic" (The New York Times) The Noonday Demon, comes a game-changer of a book about the impact of extreme personal and cultural difference between parents and children.
After watching a TED talk by the author, I immediately picked up this book. The talk gave me a good sense of the book's tone and Andrew Solomon's extensive research and empathy for the individuals it focuses on.
I have to warn you that this is not an easy read. It delves into the challenges faced by children with incurable mental and physical illnesses, and the tireless efforts of their parents who often feel like they're stuck in a never-ending struggle. It's not a light-hearted subject matter, so be prepared.
My interest in this book stems from personal experience. My two-year-old son was born with a condition called TAPVR, which required emergency bypass surgery shortly after birth. It was a complete shock for both me and my wife. However, he is now a happy and healthy boy who will lead a fulfilling life, just like any other healthy child.
Unfortunately, many parents at the hospital we visit for check-ups are not as fortunate. These are ordinary people who have been burdened with immense responsibility. They are doing their best to navigate through life with love and strength. Their biggest concern is who will care for their child when they're no longer around.
I wouldn't recommend this book to pregnant individuals, as it may unnecessarily increase anxiety about the healthy birth of their child. So, if you're expecting, I suggest not purchasing this book.
That being said, it's still a fantastic book (in fact, it could have easily been multiple books). Andrew Solomon is an excellent writer, and I'm grateful that he has narrated the book himself. His ability to empathize with others is truly remarkable, as he takes on a subject matter that society generally prefers to ignore.
I usually find books narrated by their authors to be quite disappointing, but Mr. Solomon did an excellent job in bringing his book to life with his deep and easily understandable reading. I definitely give his performance five stars.
Through a series of interviews with parents and their "different" children, the book provides an inside view of the challenges and joys of raising children who are different from their parents, siblings, and society's norms. By sharing the perspectives of these parents, we get to hear their honest, compassionate, fearful, optimistic, angry, and questioning voices as they reflect on their lives since becoming parents of disabled children. Whether the child's disability is obvious or hidden, the parents and the child often face neglect and dismissal from the medical professionals they seek help from, forcing them to create their own paths to support their child.
Mr. Solomon handles these sensitive topics with great care, shedding light on the wounds caused by prejudice and fear, while also highlighting the love, devotion, and blessings brought about by the presence of these children. As a strong believer in the value of life and the impact those in need have on our own souls, I appreciate the idea that caring for these children blesses not only their own souls but also the souls of those who serve and care for them. I also believe that the presence of these children has a lasting effect on their families for generations to come.
As a parent myself, this book kept me engaged and tugged at my heartstrings. I would give the book a four-star rating overall, mainly because it felt like it ended abruptly without a clear conclusion. While I didn't expect all the difficulties to be resolved or any fairy tale endings, it felt like the book just fizzled out somehow. However, I still plan on listening to it again because I enjoyed the narration and found the content highly informative. It's definitely worth the time investment.
Are you intimidated by the idea of becoming a parent? Do you have strained relationships with your parents or children? Do you struggle to understand your own family members? If so, Andrew Solomon has written an extensive and well-researched two-part book just for you. The amount of effort he put into writing this book is truly remarkable. I have a feeling that it will inspire other less skillful writers to explore this topic.
The first book delves into topics such as dwarfism, autism, deafness, schizophrenia, and Down syndrome. Solomon's tone is empathetic and insightful, with an emphasis on finding solutions to the problems. He does a great job of making his subjects feel comfortable as he delves into their stories.
The second book tackles subjects like rape, MSD, crime, prodigies, transgender issues, and father-son relationships. The tone in this book can be a bit harsh and sermon-like, with a focus on assigning blame. It seems like Solomon uses his subjects to drive home his own personal points.
Overall, the book is impressive in its empathy, patience, and the amount of time invested. However, Solomon isn't afraid to be critical when necessary, especially when discussing repeated mistakes and lack of risk assessment.
In the future, I hope the book's scope will expand beyond the United States. American medicine is quite different from other developed countries, as we tend to favor invasive surgeries, expensive drugs, and the latest therapeutic trends. It would be interesting to explore if other, less affluent cultures have better answers to these issues. If these struggles truly are universal, there might be valuable insights from ancient cultures around the world.
Solomon himself is an operatic, depressed, misunderstood, gay, Jewish New Yorker. It's impressive how frequently he manages to include these attributes in the stories of his subjects. This tendency is so consistent that it almost feels like he's projecting his own characteristics onto them.
In conclusion, Solomon has written a truly outstanding book that will undoubtedly help many people. However, it's important to note that his own personal story is not as significant as those of his subjects. He is an incredibly talented writer, and with time, he will learn to step aside and let their stories take the spotlight.
For those intrigued by the intricacies of non-traditional parent-child dynamics, "Far from the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity" offers a thought-provoking and contemplative listening experience. While it may not captivate or engulf you, it possesses the unique quality of being easily picked up and engaged with at any given moment, unlike most audiobooks. The book provided me with valuable insights into the world of individuals with disabilities, allowing me to develop a newfound admiration for the extraordinary circumstances described within its pages.
It felt like I was reading this audiobook forever because I couldn't help but go back and re-read what I just listened to. The book stands out for its honesty and appreciation for individuality. Despite being filled with research and references, it reads just as smoothly as fiction.
After finishing each chapter, I had to take a moment to digest and reflect on what I just absorbed. This book delves into the complexities of both adult children and their search for identity, in addition to exploring the dynamics of parenting.
By the end of the first section, I was already urging my friends to give this book a go, and my excitement only grew as I delved deeper into its pages. Even in sections where I felt somewhat familiar with the topic, I still managed to learn something new.
Interestingly, the sections that initially seemed unrelated to me ended up being the most thought-provoking. The individuals Solomon interviewed brought forth a diverse range of personal opinions, demonstrating Solomon's ability to balance contrasting conclusions and have them all hold true.
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