For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn
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I really enjoyed it! The book makes so much sense and has really helped me gain a better understanding of my boyfriend and men in general. The author's conversational tone in the audiobook made it super easy to follow along.
This book comes across as quite traditional, almost excusing certain misogynistic and male chauvinistic behaviors by attributing them to men being "visual creatures," and promoting women to be submissive to men's desires. It feels outdated to me. While I acknowledge the importance of sex in a relationship and understand that the book tries to emphasize this, it fails to provide practical examples of how women can become more attracted to their partners. Instead, it largely blames women for being "unresponsive" in the first place. According to the book, women's lack of sexual openness leads men to become emotionally unavailable. While I'm open to compromise, I don't believe women should settle for less. The book oversimplifies men as simple beings driven solely by sex and visuals, which makes them appear like underdeveloped children unable to control themselves when faced with a minimally provocative outfit, such as a tailored suit. These are grown men we're talking about. I can empathize with the desire to feel needed and loved when appreciated by a partner, both emotionally and physically. However, despite my open-mindedness, I struggle to sympathize with many of the mundane aspects described in the book. It explicitly states that men are fragile when faced with rejection, but everyone fears rejection. The book mainly focuses on enabling male fragility through toxic notions of Biblical submission, which I fundamentally disagree with. This worries me because this kind of rhetoric may give men a free pass for harassment and inappropriate behavior just because "that's how they are wired." The book fails to inspire me, as a reader, to respect men in the way it intends. Essentially, it suggests that men can't help but act like jerks, and we should tiptoe around them and not hold them to a higher standard of thoughtfulness or awareness beyond their own needs.
Despite my efforts to maintain an open mind, I managed to extract a few positive takeaways from the text, which are as follows:
- Express verbal appreciation to your partner for their efforts.
- Respond positively and verbally to your partner's physical touch.
- Show genuine enthusiasm when listening to your partner's interests.
- Refrain from mocking or criticizing your partner in public, as it is demeaning regardless of gender.
- Compliment your partner in front of others to boost their confidence and make them feel loved and appreciated. It's a way of showcasing your pride in them, which is something I would appreciate as well.
- Have inherent respect for each other, not based on conditional behavior.
- I agree that my partner has a need to be a provider and feel needed. However, both of us can fulfill those roles for each other. I understand the desire to feel wanted and needed.
- Be less critical of your partner and approach questions from a contextual perspective rather than a critical one.
- Take the initiative to initiate sex more often instead of waiting for your partner to do so. We are equal participants in this relationship, and we can share or switch roles of dominance when we want to.
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